To Write Love On Her Arms

Last year on Valentine's day I baked cookies for people, because I like to share baked goods and because I believe this day is not regulated to the love between people in a relationship. We also have relationships with our family and friends and while they may not be our one true love, the love we have for them is no less meaningful. Your valentine is not just the person you might be in love with but also your entire support system. I see no problem in having my sister as my valentine, or my roommate, or the stranger on the street if I so choose. I prefer to see the holiday not as a commercial event like a lot of people, who find it hijacked by Hallmark and florists and chocolate companies demanding they buy gifts and declare their love. I believe it's another day in which we can be reminded to spread love rather than be selfish. To give rather than to just receive.

Last year, as well as spreading the love to my friends the other thing I did was take a sharpie and write on both my wrists the word love. Valentine's day can be a very hard day for those who are lonely and depressed and I believe strongly in the movement of the organization To Write Love On Her Arms. They are a movement and a community dedicated to helping people struggle with life. It started out as a story about addiction and self injury for Renee and the people who got her into rehab. And grew from there.

This is a project that is near and dear to my heart. Life is hard for many. Even those who seem to have everything are not immune to the hopelessness and helplessness that is depression. Everyone feels alone from time to time, like they are the only person who has ever gone through this and no one will understand so there is no point in opening up. I like that they are working towards a more put together world. Because people need relationships. They need openness and the ability to talk and share and connect with people and in this technological driven world that can often fall by the wayside. Sending an email is not the same type of connectivity that spending time on the phone is, or spending time in person.

I was reminded yesterday about TWLOHA. I often forget about them, or rather, they are not in the forefront of my mind despite how much I respect and honor their work. I was standing in the hallway at work, some of my co-workers next to me as we were waiting to clean one of the theatres. Suddenly I hear a "what's this!" from the girl next to me and out of the corner of my eye I can see her holding the wrist of the other girl. It is upturned and there is clearly a line across it. The girl who's wrist it is claims it's a cat scratch but I know cats don't scratch in that perfect way. Cat scratches that leave that deep a mark tend to be curved. The mark on her wrist is from a razor blade or knife. They talk for a few minutes, the one girl telling the other not to do such things and how she doesn't want to have this conversation with her. The other girl saying how another co-worker had already spoken to her about it. I hear uncertainty in her voice, tension. She doesn't want to talk about it. There is a bit of shame too and I bet she wishes she had hid it better.

The first girl takes a pen and turns the wound into the top of a smiley face. Bright eyes and open mouth and I wonder how this makes the other girl feel. If she feels the move is condescending and making light of her pain or if she appreciates that no one else will know and that the sign of pain has now been turned into a sign of hope. I don't know how she takes it because the moment is over and we have to go sweep. But I am curious.

This reminded me of TWLOHA and how last year I wrote on my arm, as a symbol that if you are a self injurer, you are not alone, whether or not you have an official valentine. I didn't this year. Not because I didn't feel it was any less necessary but because I wasn't sure how my work would take it, and tomorrow I have work at the theatre and tattoos are not allowed and i can't remember how fast sharpie comes off. I'm not even sure if they promoted the movement of doing that like they did last year, they did other things though.

It reminds me to connect with those around me. Because I do not know who is living a life of quiet desperation around me and if making that sort of connection and doing something small to connect the world back together will help bring someone out of the darkness and allow them to go on to do the same to others. Each of us are like a feather alighting on the water of a pond. It's light, and it seems inconsequential but it will still set off the ripples.