Happy Channukah

Okay so this is being written in word but I want it to go up tonight as it's the last day of Channukah so I'm holding place with this nonsense filler. Yeah.

Impossible!

I babysit a couple of kids from when they get out of school until when their mother gets home in the evening. I don't know what religion they are, other than they aren't Christian. But they do know the nativity scene. Because the older one, as I was picking him up from school on Friday pointed out the Mary + Joseph + manager for baby Jesus and told me that it was impossible.

The reason why it was impossible?

They didn't have nails back then and so they couldn't have a manger. It was a million years ago and they didn't have nails a million years ago.

I'm not a Christian, so I can't say I care if this child believes in the nativity scene or not. That's for him to look for and decide when he gets older. But he did make some factual errors in how we count time and about the existence of nails.

I tried to explain to him that the idea was that Jesus was born only about 2000 years ago, hence why we call it two thousand and ten. The idea is that Jesus was born in the year zero. He seemed to accept this.

But then I said that even two thousand years ago they had nails, they didn't look like the nails we had today, but they still had nails. Nails have been around longer than the idea of Jesus. We've had nails for thousands of years.

That however was far too ridiculous. I was flatly told that having nails for so long was impossible. "That's ridiculous! It's impossible! Nails didn't exist back then."

Scrooged.

I'm a big fan of Dicken's A Christmas Carol. In my family, it used to be a Christmas tradition that we would sit down and read it together in the month of December. At first it was just my mother reading to us, and then as we got older we all took turns. So I usually loved every version of A Christmas Carol that was ever made. Although generally, I like the traditional ones more, minus the Disney version in which Mickey is Bob Crachitt, love that and Disney characters aren't really all that "traditional." Although if you consider how old Mickey is these days, he might be crossing that line.

I'm not sure of how I feel about Scrooged though. I don't think it's quite the type of Christmas Carol movie I really enjoy, although I was rather distracted while watching it. I was writing and it was on TV so it had commercials and I was chatting with friends. So maybe I didn't give it enough of a chance. But I sort of feel that if I movie can't hold my attention...it's not really my fault and more the fault of the movie. Because there are some movies that I have a really hard time getting anything done at the same time as watching them because I get so into them.

It should have been amazing, as it has Bill Murry and Karen Allen, and I adore Ms. Karen Allen in surprising amounts. She's so adorable, with her smile and her giant eyes.

Overall the movie was enjoyable, but it didn't really put me in the Christmas spirit.

I did like this little gem at the end though: "We are the people we always hope we could be." Made me think of what I blogged about yesterday. Actually, his whole speech at the end was pretty good. Especially with the Claire, world, world, Claire.



She is so cute.

But if I'm looking for A Christmas Carol, I'll be sticking to my traditional one with everyone in period costumes.

As long as there's Christmas

"As long as there's Christmas, I truly believe
That hope is the greatest of the gifts we'll receive

So there always will be a time.
When the world is filled with peace and love."

I've always loved this bit of music. I love Beauty and the Beast, but Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas always warmed my heart more than the original did though. It might have something to do with the fact that Bernadette Peters is voicing the angel, and I've adored her forever. But I think it's this song, (and the other one "Stories") that have always touched my heart more than "Something There" or "Beauty and the Beast" ever did.

But these words basically sum up Christmas. Not just Christmas even, but the holiday season. A lot of religions have religious holidays during this time of year. It probably has something to do with the fact you get the longest night of the year and then it seems God returns the sun to us like a gift. That's pure speculation though, I have no actual idea. But there is something about this time of year. That isn't the presents, or the mistletoe, or anything to do with those traditions. Something about this time of year says, maybe the world can be better, maybe we have a chance at peace after all.

Christmas has always been a non-denominational holiday for me. My family isn't religious to say the least, so Christmas has never been very spiritual. I've found another way to be spiritual over the holiday season, by celebrating Chanukah. I like celebrating holidays as it makes me feel closer to people from around the world, which I think is kind of the point. I celebrate this, and so do so many others, it gives us something in common, and suddenly we are a little less of strangers.

In the end, that is what the holiday season means to me. It's a chance to be less of a stranger. It's a chance to be a little more human.

Sure, it's going to be stressful, all those presents and Christmas shopping, and kids get more materialistic every year it seems, people can't handle the pressure and get mad at others. But I hope that everyone around the world is able, even if it's just for a minute, get a moment where they realize that the person over there that they don't know, is a little less of a stranger. Open your hearts and let in the joy.

Giving Thanks, Day One.

So, I didn't exactly manage to get in my 31 horror movies and other Halloween related things for the month of October. I ended up being supremely busy and while I did watch a lot of horror movies, some good (Paranormal Activity and it's sequel), some bad (Stupid Teenagers Must Die), some classic (Godzilla v. Mothra), I didn't manage a full 31, and I didn't manage to write a single blog on them. While I could go back and reflect, I'm going to chalk it up as a good attempt and move on to the idea for November: Things I am grateful for.

Now, there are a lot of things that I'm grateful for that are rather obvious ones. I'm grateful I have food and shelter, clean air and water, clothing, my family and friends, my health, so I'm probably not going to write about those things. Yes, sometimes I take these things for grated, but I want to look for grace in other places, not ones that might be staring me in the face, even if I am taking them for granted. I still greatly appreciate these things, but I want to make this a little bit challenging for myself.

In honor of our recent election, I am grateful for choices. I'm grateful that I live in a country where my opinion matters for something. Now, you could get all pessimistic and say that I am one small speck of dust and one small vote so I don't count for much, but I firmly believe that every vote, every voice counts. After all, you become one of a group that votes in the same way you do, on each person and each proposition or ballot measure. And you become part of an age demographic. Some generations clearly know how to use the demographic. Retired folk vote en masse and so their issues are the ones that end up on the ballot. Which is why I always love it when I see young people choosing to vote, maybe one day, before we are retired, politicians will have to cater to us, and ballot measures will be things we care more about.

But election aside, I am grateful that I have the ability to choose my mood. Yes, there are some things that can interfere and chemical reactions in the brain certainly affect you in a negative way even when you want to be happy. But you can also choose to be happy on a daily basis. You can choose to not dwell on negative things. Bad things are going to happen to everyone and everyone has a choice in how they deal with them.

I was talking to someone the other day, about this. He was telling me how noble it was to make a choice to go on with life and not obsess about something bad that happens. I don't think it's particularly noble, but that's me. I don't think that choosing to live my life is a noble choice, it's a choice we all make. I think choosing to be happy despite the bad things, and choosing to not seal myself up in a tower are smart choices, but they aren't noble. I don't think it's noble unless I became sort of role model, and put that sort of thing in the public domain and let others draw strength from it. That might be noble, but I don't think I want to make that particular choice.

But I am grateful that I can make the choice to be happy today, and that choice will be honored by myself. People might say mean things today, or be grouchy and rude, but I don't have to let it affect me.

blogging in a theme

I feel like I need a way to keep my blogging self motivated. I'm not a good diarist, never have been, not thinking I will start being one now, but I intensely like the idea of keeping a blog and so far, I kinda have been sucking at it. No posts between May and October can lead oneself to believe that one may be sucking as a blogger. Plus I keep reading other people's blogs and thinking how interesting they are and how sad and lonely my own blog must be.

So I have a solution. Hopefully.


Themes for the month!

I love themes. Themes are great. I'm always bringing up themes for my life, most of which fall by the wayside shortly because I am a bit of a lazy procrastinating girl with a bit of attention deficit. I'm not ADHD, I have a good attention span, excepting things I set down for myself because sooner or later I get bored with all my ideas. Or something.


But this theme would automatically change ever 30/31 (or in the case of the red headed stepchild February 28, or 29 when it's a leap year), so that should cure my boredom of myself. Right? Of course right. It's not going to make me stop talking about the other boring things in my life, but it might inspire me to blog more which is the whole purpose.


And my themes are brilliant, at least until I get to March, but hell, if I make it that long, I should be able to come up with a March theme.

October: Halloween. I'm going to do 31 days of horror movies. I'm already behind, and I'm not going to be so bold to say I'm going to actually watch ONE a day, I'll probably have a few marathons because that's how I do, but 31 horror movies for 31 days of Halloween. I have some other fun Halloween ideas too, I LOVE Halloween. Halloween recipes, pumpkin everything, carving pumpkins, etc etc etc. I LOVE IT ALREADY. Hopefully I love it as much in the next few weeks.

November: Thanksgiving (there's even a theme to my theme!). 30 days of thankful stuff. I have less ideas for this, but it will come. And if all else fails, I'm just going to cook for a month. I'd watch some Thanksgiving movies, but do any of those exist?

December: 31 days of Christmas (and Chanukah)! There is so much Christmas stuff to do I could probably do a years worth, but here is a month. Movies for sure...Nutcracker YES! And everything else. Yummy christmas goodies.

January: 31 days of NEW THINGS. Because it's the start of a NEW year and what not. What 31 things I can do that are new, I haven't figured out yet, but that's months away, pish. It will be easy-peasy.

February: 28 days of redheaded stepchildren! Ha, no. I wish. I'm not a big fan of February, and not because it has Valentines Day which I will theme the month around. I love Valentines day, even when I'm more single than a dollar bill, I just don't like how it's all weird and has to stand out with it's 28/29 days. Can't it be normal. Why couldn't we take a day from January and give it to February so it would have more days? Why couldn't March? Or July? It's stupid. It makes no sense.

March: Yeah, I don't have ideas for this or for April, May, June, August, or September, and when I get back to October I can start all over again, because HOLIDAYS ROCK. Although I might start picking out weird random holidays. Like create your own holiday day. Although that would encompass everything and I'd get bored again. But like...whatever is National Book Month. I could talk about books. I don't think I could read a book a DAY, but that doesn't mean I couldn't read like 5 or 6 and then talk about a bunch of old favorites. THE POSSIBILITIES!

I'm kinda of excited now. Because today, I'm supposed to see two horror movies. And then I might watch the first version of one of them on Netflix afterwards. That would catch me up halfway to where I am supposed to be. I'm so on top of this. And I can't wait to blog about pumpkin carving. OH, that reminds me I have to make my Malificent and Dragon stencils for my pumpkins. And I should request Halloween off I guess, or the night off so I can feed the trick or treaters and let my pumpkins be useful and not just for my amusement. Although that is good as well.

And one of these days I want to make this blog all pretty and customized. High-ho, high-ho, it's playing with GIMP I go. After I finish my other ninety million projects. Is sleep optional yet?

where am I going?

I’ve been thinking about what I want to do with my life.

It’s hard to say really.

Are the dreams I’ve had since I was ten years old, the dream I still want to make my life out ot be. I think so. Maybe. I do want to perform. I want to do theatre and I would be happy doing movies or TV. The problem, with most anything I do nowadays, is the motivation. Everyone else seems so much more motivated than me, to put themselves out there, to get agents, to move to New York or LA, to even go to auditions.

I want to perform, but I don’t have the energy to go get it right now. Which may be a medical problem all of itself. For lack of a better term, I’ve been highly bipolar lately. I’ll have these fabulous highs, it feels like I could accomplish anything and everything, I’m on top of the world, but then a few hours later nothing is going right. I’m stressed, I don’t have enough money, my life is a wreck. All I want to do is crawl into my bed and cry.

In those highs, I get stuff done, and in the middle ground between the highs and the lows. I got all my clothes sorted the other day. I cleaned the living room. The last night I worked, the popcorn seeds that get lodged in the floor by the drains bothered me and I dug them out with the screwdriver. The floor is now cleaner than I’ve seen it in a while. But I can’t seem to line those highs up with times for doing anything towards making my goals of being an actress. I just want to be one already. Can’t we skip the hard part?

In the meanwhile, I keep thinking about the fact that I need to make money, and even if I get my behind in gear and start going to auditions I still need to be able to live. Where I work is fine, it’s not like I dislike the job, but I don’t love it either. I’d like to be doing something more interesting, more challenging.

Money was part of the reason I started a blog to begin with, funnily enough. That, and I’ve always had this goal of documenting my life. I’m terrible at keeping a diary though, whether written on paper or typed on the internet, or just typed on my computer.

But you hear about these blogs that people actually make money off of, or they get noticed writing or something somehow through their blog. I’d love that. Kind of. But then I’d have to go through the work of coming up with interesting things to write. And sometimes all I’ve got is…I went to work today and it was okay. Doesn’t exactly make for great blogging material. And I can’t seem to think of an idea that is novel enough to start a blog around.

Well, maybe I have one, but the motivational thing….still a problem.

Thinking about making money now, besides the blog that I can’t get started aspect, I’d love to write. In the past couple of years, my writing juices have just been so open and adament about being heard. Another reason why starting a blog was tempting to me. I like writing. But I don’t know how to get paid for writing.

I also like to travel, but I don’t know how to get paid to travel.
There are numerous things I like to do that I wish I could get paid for. Traveling. Sleeping. Eating. Basically, it would be nice if someone just paid for my life. If money just fell in my lap so I could support myself and I could do things I liked without worrying about the money. I’d still want to work. I don’t think I could sit at home all day or even travel, eat, and sleep all day without needing a job, even a small part time one. I like the idea of usefulness, and having a job makes me feel useful. Maybe I’d feel different if I was getting paid to write, but I don’t know.

Someone suggested I could be a travel writer, or a food critic, or something along the lines of combining writing with something I like to do. I could, but I don’t really want to. I think I object to the idea of me “being” any of those things, making a career out of it. I don’t really like the word career, and I already identify myself as an actress. I’m an actress, who likes to travel, write and eat. And sleep, but I don’t think ANYONE gets paid long term for sleeping. If you know someone who makes a living off of sleep studies…then go ahead and prove me wrong, but I will think you are lying out your ass.

Maybe that’s my problem. I identify too much with this long term dream of mine that I’m doing nothing about that I can’t wrap my head around doing something different. I’m not sure, but I’m up again at almost 7am, meaning, I haven’t slept yet, trying to figure out what I want out of life. As if I should know at twenty four. It’s not like I’m old, I have plenty of time still to dabble and try things. And then I start worrying if I’ll ever settle down and do something. Which I’m pretty sure is a stigma of society, not something I came up with on my own.

Because, it wouldn’t really be bad if I was an actress, (once I get my act together), who dabbles in traveling, writing, eating and sleeping. And whatever else I may decide to try. Do I really have to label myself as one thing? Can I just be an adventurer? I like that idea.

being a bitch and the kitten i'm going to adopt.

So the other day, I got off work at about 2am and I was craving chicken strips. Luckily there is a 24 hour carl's jr.

I go to Carl's Jr and I wait in the long line. There is always a long wait for some reason, it takes them forever to take orders and make orders. SO SLOW. I get up to the intercom, place my order and then the woman informs me it's cash only. AFTER I've waited in line, and placed and order. I don't have any cash on me and it's in the middle of the night so I'm not just going to hop over to a ATM. If there is one in this shopping center. I cancel my order and have to sit in line and wait for the three cars ahead of me to finish up. grrr. I'm annoyed and I don't have my chicken strips.

Why didn't she let me know at the beginning of my order? Why didn't they put up a sign at the beginning of the drive through so I didn't have to wait in the fucking line? They normally take cards so out of courtesy you'd think they could write "cash only" on a piece of paper and tape it out there. Give people fair warning in order to not waste my time. Some people might be only out for high munchies, but some of us are getting off work.

So, I decided I still wanted my chicken strips but I wasn't going to go to an ATM.

I went home, opened up the piggy bank I keep change in, counted out 6 dollars of dimes and nickels, put it in a plastic bag and headed back. Girl didn't even blink an eye but I felt vindicated taking out the 68 cents that I had extra in there and handing it over.

I also got my chicken strips.





In other news. I have fostered 8 kittens. 7 of them, while it was sad to give them up, I gave up pretty easily. I loved them and would have loved to keep them but I didn't need to convince myself I shouldn't be adopting a kitten. I knew it.

Number 8 refuses to be adopted out. She has found her home and she has chosen me as her owner. This is painfully obvious. She will sleep on me. I come home and she purrs. I took her to adoptions on Saturday, where she had been the previous week, and she was so grumpy. She hated it. She hissed at the other kittens and wasn't interested in any person. If someone else tried to pick her up, she avoided them like the plague. I picked her up, put her on my lap and she promptly curled up for a nap, later rolling over on her back for a belly rub.

I've been running over the pros and cons of adopting this kitten. It comes down to this, I can afford her, just barely. If I got a national tour I could take her along. If I got a cruise ship though I'd need someone to take her. I know it will be more difficult yo move to NY with a kitten. I'm fine with doing it anyway. I've planned out how this will work, down to training her to use the toilet to save on litter and to make trekking around easier.

Would it be easier to be pet less? Most certainly. Would I have more money if I was pet less? Yep.

But do I think she can find a home where she can be equally happy? No. No I don't. Even the other people that she gets along with she more tolerates then loves. She'll play with them, she'll rub against them but it's not the open her heart attachment she has with me. I didn't plan on this when I was fostering kittens because I knew I didn't want to adopt at this time. But looking at this cat I feel like it would be too cruel for me to not adopt her. She doesn't want to go to the adoption events and play nice. She would rather sit on my couch and purr.



Jasmine made her decision, it seems. And so I'm thinking I'm going to go ahead and formally claim her. And give her a new name. Jasmine is pretty but it's not a really good fit for her. She needs something shorter. Right now, I'm thinking Nala. I was thinking Pounce but she looks so much like a little lion Nala might be better. Right now she's curled up half on me half on a pillow, purring and napping away. Happy happy little kitten. Sneaking into my life. Trickster.

Oh, and while you can't tell int he picture she's a grey calico. She looks all grey but she's got muted calico coloring. <33 With fantastic jumping abilities.

pet peeves

I am realizing I have a lot of pet peeves.

There are lots of things that annoy me about the world and people. I may be an old curmudgeon before I hit the quarter century mark.

I don't like drivers who MUST have a spot on the first floor of the parking structure even though there are 897987 spots above them if only they would drive up a floor.

I don't like drivers who feel they should get to drive out of their first floor parking spot when there is a line of ten cars trying to get in. No, you fucking wait. You had to have that parking spot that was on the main throughway, you can wait until the line is a little less busy.

I have a lot of driving ones. I get frustrated by people's driving a lot.

I don't like it when someone complains about someone, is given a solution and they go right on complaining about it.

I don't like it when people complain about wanting/needing to lose weight and then are like....let's go to McDonalds. But when you invite them to go running/gym with you they are like /lazy. Don't whine at me then.

I don't like it when customers answer my questions with yeah, and then are like...no I don't want that. Then say no you idiots.


One of my big ones is when people assume I know nothing about a subject simply because I haven't said anything about it before, or because what I say might seem offhand. There seem to be a lot of variations of this. I get the, oh your life can't possibly have anything wrong in it and therefore you can't have experienced anything like it. Or the everyone who makes that sort of comment is just ignorant, no matter what you meant by it. Or the, you know that person has gone through a lot in their life.


I'd like to say once and for all that yes, I have experienced hardships. I may come from an upper middle class background but that doesn't mean a life full of sunshine and rainbows. There are things that lie beneath my veneer that are not clean and pretty. Sure there are people who have had it a lot worse then me. But I've gone through things that count as hardships pretty much anywhere, I just don't go about flaunting it. Some people do. Some people make their business known to everyone. I do not.

Also, I generally do not make completely uninformed comments. It's a pretty rare occurrence. I like to know about things. Especially things that I think might actually affect me. I find it ignorant when people assume I can't possibly know anything about a subject because my comment doesn't fit with their accepted viewpoints on the matter. Or that I only know the stereotypes.

When people say that so and so has gone through a lot in their life I feel they have missed the fact that I also have a life and they do not know everything that has gone on in my life. Whether someone knows me through work, or met me first online, or is even a close friend of mine, I'm a pretty private person. In recent years I've become slightly less private. I've started speaking out on issues that I feel people underestimate. Or someone will make a comment, I'll respond and people will go huh? and I feel this need to explain. I'm not trying to say that someone else's lot in life is in any way made less, but I find it obnoxious when someone goes on about how that person has gone through a lot and is this way because of it. I hate it as an excuse and I hate it more when a third party uses it as an excuse for someone else. Life has happened to me too, whether or not you know about it.

I'm not an innocent ignorant child.

Unless you know my life story, unless you know my medical history, and my family's medical history, unless you know all the good things and all the bad things, all my quirks, basically, unless you are me, you cannot make those judgements about me.
I guess basically my pet peeve is people thinking they know me.


I know it goes both ways, and I know when there is other stuff going on, it's easy to filter through that, but I feel like people are constantly making assumptions about me. I'm this or I'm that. I can't be this, I can't be that. Sometimes I just want to blow people's minds.

drinking age

There is a lot of debate about the drinking age in the United States.

Personally, I'm all in favor of lowering the drinking age to 18. I don't think it's reasonable to be considered an adult and not be able to fully act like one. I don't feel it is comparable to the rental car companies age discrimination of car rentals and insurance companies, because older people who continue to drive irresponsibly also get affected. A 40 year old cannot get cheap insurance if he drives badly, but a 40 year old alcoholic can still be served in bars. An insurance company could chose to give cheaper insurance to a responsible 18 year old driver. It's more a matter of choice for the company than a matter of law. Bars would still be allowed to set their own ages for that particular bar since they have the right to refuse service.

18 year olds are considered an adult in the United States. You can legally sign your name to a contract. You can sign up for the military. You no longer need a work permit and are free to find any gainful employment without any sort of permission. You can vote in all elections-you can help choose the President of the United States. You can buy cigarettes. Porn. Lottery tickets. There are plenty of dangerous things you can do at 18. But you cannot buy a drink. Adult should mean adult privileges. That should include drinking.

18 year olds are, in general, immature. 21 year olds, on a whole, are not a great deal more mature. But they are adults. They are no longer children, they are immature adults. Adults get to make their own choices. Good ones and bad ones.


But the real problem with alcohol is not the drinking age. There is going to be binge drinking whether the drinking age is 21 or 18. There will be alcohol in high schools no matter the drinking age. People will do stupid things with alcohol.

The issue is that alcohol has become a forbidden fruit in the United States, meaning that instead of having alcohol as part of a regular and healthy diet, drinking in moderation, people view it as something that is looked down upon. Instead of being taught how to safely drink, we are told NOT to drink. Yet, alcohol is glamorized in the media. No wonder that 18-21 year olds drink so unhealthily. No wonder high school students want to drink. It symbolizes being older, cooler, more edgy. Alcohol becomes this mysterious thing you are not allowed to have or do, so of course you want to.

I don't remember when I had my first drink. My parents offered it to me at some point, probably in my early teens. I was at least ten. I do remember feeling very grown up as I was poured my first glass of wine, which was hardly more than a few sips. Frequently on special occasions I was offered a celebratory drink, always just a little bit. It didn't feel like something that was forbidden. I can't say I liked it much, or probably I would have asked to have some more often. It didn't feel like something forbidden when I went off to college. I did have a few drinks here and there, but because I had been shown that I should only drink a little at a time, I didn't get drunk. In fact, the first time I got drunk was shortly before my 21st birthday. The second time, was on my 21st birthday. I never did the 21 shots in an hour or anything like that. I drank until I felt like I was drunk and then I stopped. My normal drinking is a beer or two, a couple of glasses of wine, a mixed drink, on rare occasion maybe two. My binge drinking? Three to four shots, half a bottle of wine, four beers. It can hardly be considered binge drinking.

I'm lucky. I was taught how to drink in moderation and I had good role models. I tend to be fairly mature for my age. I had already had alcohol before I went to college and I wasn't interested in first time experiences that consisted of drinking a lot. I remember being the sober friend at a party and I didn't quite understand the fun of drinking like that. I like alcohol, and I consume it on a fairly regular basis but I learned the art of moderation.

I firmly believe if alcohol was less of a mysterious adult thing to do, it wouldn't be so exciting to try. It was exciting my first time, it was exciting, but my parents were there supervising the experience. I could hardly have finished off the entire bottle of wine. But for someone whose first experience is stolen time, hidden, secret, that would only intensify the experience. I could see them doing it again to get the feeling again, and since it wasn't likely to have been controlled they could drink as much as they like. Getting drunk and this feeling of being an adult, this adrenaline rush, would suddenly get tied together. Repeat for similar feeling.

Until the attitude over alcohol changes in the United States it won't matter what the drinking age is, because it will still be a glamorized forbidden fruit. THAT is the problem.

This has nothing to do with drunk drivers, because whether you are 18 or 21, driving under the influence is still illegal. I'm in favor for stricter laws all over for that. I would not be opposed to lowering the legal limit a bit. You shouldn't have even a few drinks and go out driving without some sobering up time. Because time is the only thing that allows you to sober up. Plenty of people get behind the wheel impaired, whether or not it's legal for them. Harsher fines. Go right ahead. It's not whether or not you can get alcohol that allows for drunk driving, or prevents drunk driving, it's people thinking about the punishments. If the punishment is not worth it, you'll think twice. Especially if it's easy to arrange other transportation. People who are going to drunk drive, are going to drunk drive at any age. A 19 year old is not going to suddenly be more inclined to drive drunk simply because they can legally drink. Also, if a 19 year old and a 21 year old drink the same amount and are the same size and weight, they will likely be the same amount of impaired. You don't suddenly get less impaired at 21, you get more leeway with the legal limit.

Lower the drinking age, lower the legal limit, change the alcohol culture.

Or keep it all the same, but CHANGE THE ALCOHOL CULTURE.

A Conversation Between Me and the Kittens

My new kittens, Daisy and Violet, are super vocal.

Me: -walks into the bathroom, where they live because they are not totally litterbox trained yet-
Kittens:-take 15.6 seconds to figure out who came in the door- MOMMY! MOMMY! It's mommy Daisy! Violet! Mommy just came in!
Me: Hi kitten faces.
Kittens: Mommy! -paws up on my leg- Mommy, we are hungry kittens and we want wet food. It's been such a long time since we had wet food.
Me: No, babies, no wet food for you. It's been upsetting your tummies.
Kittens: Wet food mommy! Please please please. Wet food! We are so hungry and it would be so good.
Me: Dry food.
Kittens: -start to climb up my legs- Mommy! Wet food is so good. It is our favorite. Please mommy! See how cute we are? Don't you want us to grow up big and strong?
Me: Dry food.
Kittens: Mommy! Mommmmmmmmmmmmmmmy! Mommy!!!!!! Wet food! Wet foooooooooooood! We don't like dry food as much.
Me: -puts them in front of the dry food-
Kittens: -sniff- This is not what we wanted. No want. We'll make it clear. Wet. Food.
Me: No, babies.


They've been getting more out of the bathroom time to distract them from the fact that I have not been giving them dinner in the form of wet food. They have dry food in the bathroom round the clock but I was just giving it to them twice a day, then I cut it down to once a day when it looked like it was upsetting them. And I'm cutting it out entirely now. It helped my first set of fosters. But if halfway through tomorrow they still are having issues I have to contact the medical person. They act like healthy kittens but one was throwing up after every canned food eating and the other is having way too soft poop. Which can mean they get really dehydrated. Since they are formally feral cats they might just have some sort of parasite which is way treatable, but I hope it's just them not being used to the canned food diet. It fixed all problems with the first babies, switching them to all dry food temporarily. But it's so heartbreaking when they cry at me and I know what they want.

april is a bitch

There has been so much going on in my life. So much emotional upheaval. As usual for this time of year. Apparently April is my month to have everything out with the world. It's always raw. I fight more with the world in April than all other months of the years. Everything happens in April. I have hit so many great highs and the lowest parts of my life as well. Between about March 25 and May 5, giving April a little leeway.

It's only been a recent development. Only the last, not even a decade, six or seven years or so? Maybe eight. But it's April, always April. It senses that I'm about to celebrate another birthday (which for the record is usually good) and rears it's head.

Strangely enough I love April. I don't love the shit I feel like I usually end up going through at this time of the year but I love April. I love my birthday, I love the weather. I love the name of the month. April. There is something about it.

I'm never sure at the end of the month who wins. If there is a winner. If April is just doing this because it keeps me strong. It reminds me of what I'm doing and why. It reminds me of the fundamentals of my personality, of my very identity. April doesn't win, because I'm never someone different at the end of the month, just more myself. But at the same time I never win, because I go through this period of utter dissatisfaction, of clawing at the ground, temper tantrums at myself.

I hate that my room is messy I say. April reminds me that I like control, I like being able to control something. It doesn't have to be everything but I'm happier when I control something. I should be thankful for my good upbringing that this control never manifested itself as an eating disorder. Even when those beckoned to me. It would be easy to come down this path they call, you would enjoy it, you with your need for control and your love of perfection in yourself.

I always say I love food too much. Thank you mom and dad.

Why do I never stay quiet? I complain. I always manage to get myself into these positions that never make me happy. You were raised strong, April reminds. You are passionate. An Aries baby, Irish and Italian. Born in the year of the TIger. You couldn't be anything by passion. Passion runs through your veins and your family believes in opinions. Your mother skipped her high school graduation to go protest. Don't even pretend. You weren't taught to stay quiet, to compromise yourself because it might make others happy. But wait, I say, I did a year in which I wasn't myself. In which I compromised myself away, I know how to compromise. I can stay quiet. I can be that girl, the one who is easy to deal with. The one who will go with the flow and go along with everyone.

BULLSHIT. April calls. BULLSHIT.

Don't even fucking try.

April is right. There was a reason that relationship failed. Why I was miserable. I am not one to be intimidated down.

Remember what has been said about you, without even knowing, April reminds me. Remember how people realize your strength and you don't have to say anything. How even when you don't think you are strong it's radiating. Don't underestimate yourself so fucking much. I know what I'm talking about, April says.

I don't have much to say to April. I argue. I curse. Sometimes I even cry. April is a bitch.

But I am April.

Forget New Years, everyone is evaluating life at that time and in January I never want to do anything about it. It's cold. I'm missing the sunshine. And raspberries. And warmth. And halter tops. I can't care in January.

April is the perfect time. It's the start of my year. April 8. Happy new year! You are twenty four now, what are you going to do about it?

It's also because it was the start of freedom from that relationship. The one where I compromised everything away? Yeah, ended in April and April came rushing back in, happy to have me back. She wasn't happy when she realized she had to start from scratch again. So she reminds me every year. This is who YOU are. This is what YOU do. Maybe it's not easy, maybe it doesn't always mean rainbows and butterflies for you. But it means being you.

Thanks April. For being the worst and the best thing that has ever happened to me.

24 things I've accomplished in my lifetime

I turned twenty four the other day. And it was celebrated in good fun. I had lunch with a friend and saw a movie and then dinner with family and then the next night did a potluck style taco night with friends. Although there was a moment I felt that they were acting as if they were middle aged and I'm like....twenty four is still freaking young.

But that's not the point of today's post. I was reading another blog about what she won't be doing by the time she turns a certain age. And there is far too much I haven't done to limit myself to 24 things. But I wanted to see what I had accomplished in this time frame. And I'm going to try to not count things like "Learned to walk" because well, it's a pretty standard human thing and I want to know what is specific to myself.

In no particular order

1. Finished NaNoWriMo. Yep, that's right. This past November I wrote over fifty thousand words for the same story in one month.

2. Been in an Off-Broadway show. Sure, it might have been arranged through my college, but that doesn't change the fact I have an Off Broadway credit. It might not be commercial off Broadway either, but I'm still pretty happy about it. I was mentioned on Playbill Online.

3. Choreographed a solo piece. I called it "A Journey of Courage." I should try to get a videotape of it. Or re-teach it to myself and have someone videotape it. So I can have a permanent copy.

4. Earned two Bachelor of Arts degrees. One in Dance and one in Drama. From the University of California.

5. Took a full year, all three quarters of musical theatre three. Okay, unless you WENT to my college, you won't understand how ridiculously difficult it was to get into this class. A girl who was in a Tony winning revival of a musical never managed to take the class. I considerate a full out accomplishment.

6. Support myself. (Or at least I pay my own Rent, food, gas, utilities and most necessities. I'm not paying my phone bill or car insurance yet, but this is still a pretty big deal.)

7. Fallen in love. (And out of love for that matter.)

8. Learned to play piano and can still play decently and keep my hand in. This included learning to site read.

9. Can do the splits seven different ways. Yeah, I'm pretty flexible, and while some of that is genes some of that is stretching dedication.

10. Have completed two half marathons. Not great times, but I finished.

11. Have fostered two kittens successfully.

12. Have a good relationship with my family. It continues to get better I think.

13. Broke through a giant personal blockage. Admitted things to myself I never wanted to admit and then realized it was better this way.

14. Learned how to do a front and back handspring. I'm not perfect at either and at the moment, probably out of practice. But I know how to do it.

15. Can cook. Better than the general population. I'm not could compete on Top Chef level, I don't have the knife skills for that kind of thing, but gourmet dinners are pretty easy.

16. Can bake. Bought myself a KitchenAid mixer for it.

17. Feel secure in my identity.

18. Been to a political issue rally/vigil.

19. Voted in every election I have been capable of voting in.

20. Donated blood several times. I've saved lives!

21. Learned to dance en pointe. Again, not something I'm genius at, but I can do more than rise up on my toes.

22. Have run up a down escalator in heels. (It's bloody fucking hard.)

23. Learned how to sew.

24. Lived 24 years without any regrets.

when did I go back to high school?

Seriously. I'm not one for drama. MInus the onstage sort.

But I'm known for having an opinion. I'm known for speaking my mind when I need to. I stand firm by what I say. I'm not a waffler. Plus there is a time to speak your opinion, such as if you are a member of a community and something is upsetting people on there, upsetting you and others but no one has said anything. Something has to say something. I don't mind saying something. I feel like I should. Communities don't work if there are people unhappy because of what other people are doing and something can indeed by done.

I'm a little annoyed that a select few are now vilifying me as if I'm solely to blame. Me and another community member got into a fight and things got a bit out of hand. I'm not going to go into all the details. Needless to say, we both did things that were not in the best interest. We both said things we shouldn't. She pushed, I pushed back, etc etc. Neither of us can fairly say we are in the right, and I haven't bothered to try.

I don't want to explain the whole situation here. But needless to say, other community members have gotten involved and it's turned into fucking high school. Only like dumbshit high school. Dramatized high school, as done by the media where it's like fighting and whatnot. Like mean girls style. It's so dumb. I wish people were more adult about this. Could recognize before they spoke up and put their nose in somewhere it doesn't belong (I know this might seem hypocritical but I spoke up about a community wide problem not about a feud between people who should be allowed to work it out on their own.) that there are always two sides to every story and it's doubtful either party is entirely innocent and that personal attacks weren't going to help matters.

Seriously? Why can't people be adults?

I want more kittens. They make better humans than humans.

adoption

So Skimble and Munkustrap went to their first adoption fair today and didn't come back because people adored them and adopted them. It's so weird to be sitting here without a kitten in my face and I miss them. Hopefully there will be more kittens soon because I like having fur balls around.

picking up and taking off

Every once in a while I feel this strange inexplicable need. I want to cut ties and go someplace where I don't have to deal with people. Sometimes it's brought on by nothing and in other cases it's a little more explained. I know right now I don't care about the possibility of burning bridges or leaving people behind. I just want to go someplace where I don't have to deal with things I don't want to deal with, or emotionally am not in the right place to deal with it.

I don't understand how people are so dense these days. I don't understand why people feel like the way they interpret things is the only one. Or how if they want to deal with something it needs to be now, no caring if it's right for the other person. When did this generation get so self centered and self important.

I'm so unimpressed. Where is my fucking hermitage. I'm moving to Walden.

elaboration

Well, I'm not really sure that it needs all that much elaboration. Because something casual isn't termed a fuck buddy so they aren't the same thing.

I was talking to a guy. I was going to say a person but it was a guy and that is still vague enough for you to not know who he is. We were talking about relationships and stuff and he was asking me why I wasn't dating currently. It's a long story and that isn't the point of the blog so let's go with the explanation that I'm just not. Which was what I was trying on giving me. Because that's generally the case. But the main point was I'm not looking for something serious. I don't want to deal with the hassle of keeping up a relationship. I want the benefits of being in a relationship without the dramatic upkeep. Because I feel like keeping one up requires a lot more work than I'm willing to put out right now. But that doesn't mean I want a fuck buddy. See the difference?

A fuck buddy is someone who's purpose is to have sex with. That is not the only benefit of being in a relationship and it's not the only benefit I want. It's nice to have someone you can hang out with and spend time with, maybe go on a date with. But something casual. Not something where you could have an anniversary because you aren't actually dating in a serious form. Just casual, no strings, if something better comes along no big deal kind of thing.

something casual is not the same as fuck buddy

And I'll explain this later.

When I feel like blogging.

splitting headache

I hate headaches. I hate them. I hate when they can't get rid of it. And I find it ridiculous that I have two kittens sleeping on me and my head is throbbing.

I hate tension headaches and they should go away when I tell them too.

dear self

Please spend less time doing nothing and wasting time and more time getting stuff done. Like cleaning your apartment. And doing laundry. And ironing clothes. And those goals for the month. So many of them still need doing.

Playing with kittens all day long, while enjoyable, and they are so cute when they fall asleep on you, is not acceptable.

intimidation

I don't think of myself as intimidating.

I'm not particularly tall. I don't weigh a whole heck of a lot and while I pack a bigger punch than one might think, physical appearance wise, I am not intimidating. No one is going to go running when I come into the room.

I feel blessed because I am physically pretty strong (I do ten push ups daily.) I was serious when I read the job description at my job, saw that one needed to be able to lift fifty pounds, and knew that wouldn't be a problem. I can lift seed bags. When the water bottles are stacked above my head I can still get them because I am strong enough. A half filled ice bucket is easy for me to get into the ice bins. Some of the boys keep trying to grab this stuff away from me and do it themselves. But I carry my own weight.

But looking at me, I don't look like any great superwoman. I don't look like I can do these things.

I guess I've got a fair amount of inner strength as well, I've heard it said from more than a few people, so I'll accept it as fact.

I finally got the intimidation thing today. It's not about looks. It's about the fact that I'm self assured. I have an identity. I have figured out who I am, what I believe. When I disagree with someone, I usually do it from a firm viewpoint. That's not to say I won't listen to the other person at all, I feel I have a fairly open mind, but I have no problem stating my opinion because you might not like me if I don't agree with you. I don't have to agree with you. It seems that there is something inside me that says-this is me, these are my opinions, I am not concerned about how you will view this.

I think recently this had made me more of a straight shooter. It's not that I'm not concerned about other people's feelings, but the idea of dancing around an issue to make sure no one gets hurt frustrates me. I'll let you know exactly how I feel and whether I think you are right, wrong, out of line, etc etc. I never really thought about whether this might come off harsh. Or intimidating. I guess it could. But I can't say I want to go about "improving" this habit of mine and dialing down my personality. I'm not an unkind person, I'm not lacking tact. And I feel like I would be burying myself if I try to go back to beating around the bush. Some situations obviously need finesse. i didn't quit my job by telling my manager I thought she was being unreasonable in her demands and that I didn't think she was a very good manager. I told her that I didn't think the opportunities at the company were fitting into my life. That there was no way for me to progress in this position and so it was no longer the best fit for me. It was all true, without being an attack.

But I guess if I'm already an intimidating person because of my self awareness, then when I do get pointed and direct and probably a bit bitchy, it's uncomfortable for the other person.

I'm okay with this. I would rather have people strive for self awareness than people molly cuddling.

This post is going to seem selfish and possibly a bit bitchy and I am okay with that.

dear hot man

To: The blue eyed, dark haired beautiful specimen of manhood.

Please come back to the theatre. Please stand in my line again. You are so much eye candy.

That is all, unless you'd like to date. Then, this isn't all. Or, maybe less than dating. I'm not picky.

Thanks.

-Me

schedules

I need to teach myself that when my alarm clock goes off, even if I don't have anywhere to be, I need to get out of bed.

I set my alarm clock for 9am.

I don't remember waking up at 9.

I woke up at noon when someone texted me.

After about half an hour of texting with a few people I went back to sleep.

I got up at 3.

SERIOUSLY?! I need help. I didn't need that much sleep. And now it's after midnight and I'm not tired again.


woadishjofijoiajs «-- THAT.

5k

I di my first 5k since September today. On an hour and a half of sleep. I did better than I thought I would, but not as well as I would ultimately have liked to have done. And I felt so out of shape doing it. I really need to sign up for races though in order to keep my training in. Otherwise I get complacent and think-oh I can do it tomorrow.

more kittens-because they are cute blogging fodder

Cuteness of the day.

Right now, the kittens, after exhausting themselves out playing with each other, have climbed up into the corner to fall asleep. I am sitting against a pile of pillows on the couch. The kittens are sitting on top of the pillows, right above my shoulder. There isn't a lot of space, but it fits two six week old kittens perfectly, provided one of them puts a head and a paw on my shoulder. If it wouldn't disturb them to grab a camera I would be snapping pictures left and right.

I'm always sad when I have to put them in the bathroom for the evening (and I've only had them a couple of nights. I'm attached. Hopefully, in a few days I can get my room clean and they can sleep on the bed with me. Unless they want to sleep in the bathroom box. It's been so long since I got to fall asleep with kittens by me. I would love to experience that again.

I am a little worried about being attached to them, but at the same time I think it's good that I can show them love as well as a home. I know that this is temporary. Eventually they will find their forever home. And it can't be with me because I can't afford it. As much as I want them. Both of them, because I don't think I would be able to split up litter mates. Besides Skimble and Munkustrap are meant to be together. I'd really love it if someone wanted to adopt the pair of them together, although it's pretty unlikely.

Oo, they woke up for some more playtime. Because of how small they are they can easily play on the couch while I'm laying on it, no problem. So cute. SO CUTE.

kitten update

So the other foster mom decided to take three, even though I wanted three, and since she used the "my kids will get too attached to them" line I let it go, since I'm pretty sure she requested foster before me. I'd have said I'd foster them ALL. I felt so bad splitting up litter mates. They are still so young. They want their brothers and sisters around all the time. So she took Bomballerina, Rum Tum Tugger and Rumpleteaser. I was so sad to lose Rum Tum Tugger though. Because he was pretty little and the two girls will beat up on him and steal all his food. I thought it made the most sense to put the two big ones who were playmates together and keep the shyer younger ones together.

I was left with Skimbleshanks (who is very needy) and Mungojerrie. Without a Rumpleteaser I felt it was cruel for him to do the cat burgling of two and rechristened him Munkustrap. Skimble is the littlest one and Munkustrap is only slightly bigger. They are both pretty damn small. The runts of the litter for sure.

They do very little, eat, play a little and sleep mostly. They prefer sleeping up next to me. I've been adopted as a kitten mother for sure. They are like...mommy! My favorite person!

Super adorable I tell you. But judge for yourself.
Munkustrap playing, All five in a kitten pile, and then Skimbleshanks.

Welcome Kittens!

My kittens have finally arrived and I'm officially a foster mom for kittens. I have five at the moment. Two of them will go to another foster tomorrow. But for now I have five 6-week olds running about. Currently they refuse to go into their box for bedtime and are instead happily sitting on the couch with me and attacking each other and my leg.

There are four solid black (or dark brown) ones and one tabby kitten. Three of them are males as far as I can tell with two females. As they didn't have names, I named them as follows:

Mungojerrie
Rumpleteaser
Rum Tum Tugger
Bomballerina
Skimbleshanks

Skimble is the littlest and I think he's the runt of the litter. He was crying all over this evening and now I have him cuddled in a pile of pillows. I tried to get them all to sleep in a box but so far no luck. I'm hoping I don't have to stay up all night or sleep out here in order to get them to sleep. I may end up sleeping on the couch. I got up for a second and four pairs of eyes opened and looked at me like "mommy? Where are you going?" I have been adopted.

It's sad to think that on my birthday they will be two months and eligible for adoption. I love them already. But do not fear. I will not be adopting five kittens. I knew I'd be giving them up when I got into this.

I'll post some pictures of the adorable tomorrow. They are SO cute.

a weekend!

I have TWO DAYS off. IN A ROW. And while it might be a thursday and a friday, I'm considering this a weekend. That means from right now, until Saturday at 6pm I have no work to do. I need to finish the spring cleaning on my apartment but no where to be, my own pace. I haven't had two back to back days in so long.

I'm ecstatic.

too responsible?

I have a habit of reading TFLN after midnight. Ok, it's even later than that. I tend to read them at about 3 in the morning when I know I should be going to sleep. Instead I'm reading texts and then I start thinking- "I'm far too responsible for my age."

While I know one text of mine has been submitted to that particular site, if it ever shows up, I'll know it was me even though I can't remember what it said now. It has nothing to do with alcohol, or getting high, and I'm sure the text was sent at a reasonable hour. I don't think it has anything to do with sex either. It was a strange text.

I read that site and sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my best years of irresponsibility. For example, today is St. Patricks day. I am not drinking right now. I am not pre-gaming anything. I will be going to work at 9pm tonight and I will work until we close and then I'll go home, shower, pop onto my computer and be up for another couple of hours before I go to bed and sleep a good portion of the morning away. And possibly the afternoon.

I feel like I'm celebrating by having some Irish wheat bread. And I'm wearing green.

I might have gone out if I didn't have to work but I didn't request it off.

But I'm feeling too responsible. I have never gotten black out drunk. There have been a few drunk moments that I'm like...hmm, maybe drinking that night wasn't the best idea, but they are pretty tame. I've never gotten high. (And every person I've told this too who does, always offers to help me out on that one, even if they are across the continent and in Canada.) I've never had a slut night- no one would put my name and slut into the same sentence.

II need to have a few moments. While I can still claim the irresponsibility of youth. It makes me wish more and more that I had been able to afford Mexico.

Minute Four of St. Patrick's Day.

I should be drinking or something. I'm Irish. Some part of me is at least.

But that is not what this blog is about. I was thinking about something fascinating to blog about and was looking on Yahoo for something to respond to maybe when I saw the creepy clover.

Do this right now: Go to Yahoo. Where it says Yahoo, look for the rainbow. AND THEN BAM!

DO YOU SEE THAT FREAKY GREEN DANCING THING? OMG WHAT IS IT?

IT'S DANCING AT ME. IT'S FLAPPING IT'S GIANT ARMS. IT WANTS A HUG? HELL NO!

I'm sure it's contagious.

I don't know who over at Yahoo thought this was a genius decoration for St. Patricks day, but it's creepy and it's creeping me out. In fact, I might NEED alcohol in order to get through this. Sadly I have nothing Irish.....wait, scratch that, I've got Baileys Irish Cream. I'm covered. I can put the thought of this...whatever it is, out of my mind.

Dear Yahoo,
You will never win the Google v. Yahoo wars if you insist on associating yourself with something that weird. Look at Google, Celtic writing in green. Classy. Simple. Not creepy.

I feel a need to stare at the clover (because I'm sure it's supposed to be a clover dresses for st. patrick's day. Shouldn't it be a four leaf clover? Since those are lucky?

It's still staring at me.




(Wear Green Today, because if you aren't and you run into me- I'm pinching. Unless you are wearing orange, as that is also acceptable.)

sexually mysterious

I have determined that I am the type of girl that people come to conclusions about. And by conclusions, I mean assumptions.

While I am a generally friendly person, for a while, while I'm getting to know people I am certainly reserved. i'm more outgoing later. I am incredibly quirky. If I was going to describe myself in one work it would be that: quirky.

In order to establish this point, in case you don't believe me I'm going to list a few quotes that I have kept over the past few years. Actually, keeping a list of quotes that I refer to and again laugh at might perfectly well demonstrate the point but that would ruin the fun of posting funny quotes that you weren't there to experience but hopefully you will enjoy anyhow. Out of context is always much fun.

(to the tune of jingle bells (and you better sing it to yourself to get the full efect)) Narf Narf Narf. Narf Narf Narf. Narf Narf Narf Narf Narf. Legendary. Legendary. Legendary Narf.

I sent that as a text message.

Okay, that's enough examples. I'll scatter the rest to you later.

Anyhow, apparently I confuse people. They make assumptions. Something. I don't know. I'm not other people and therefore I don't know their minds.

In high school, sometimes in drama class we had nothing to do and so we'd lay around on the floor and talk about nothing. This may have been when we were pretending to research stuff for a project that never got done. Because drama was kind of not an informative period. Unless we wanted to discover how sexually interesting the rest of us were. One of the guys in the class (who was kind of a creeper, admittedly) was trying to "figure out" people sexually. And he was naming them off, like you've done this and you are probably interested in this.

He was doing this and then he got to me and was like, and you are interesting. And I was like Oh-hmm? He decided that I was a highly sexual being but he was fairly sure at that point I was still a virgin and couldn't figure out at all how far I'd gone. Despite the fact he knew I had a serious boyfriend. He was conflicted on the signs I was giving or something. I can't say I really knew what it all meant at the time and I was all...oh...hmmm. I refused to answer any of his questions on the matter as it wasn't any of his business and he was a creeper and goodness knows what he'd do with that information.

Half smile and a shake of the head that says that no, I won't tell you that. This is my motto.

In college, I was walking with a guy, who I was friends with so I'd gotten past the reserved stages a bit with him, although the fact that I totally had major crush time on him hindered it a bit and we'd already slept together by this part (half smile-shake head) and he was talking about going home and laying around naked.

I was like, oh-hmmm. And he was like...you'll totally be going home and doing the same thing. To which I replied, half-smile, snake head. (And was secretly pleased he'd said something about it like that because if he was talking about me naked he was probably thinking about it and that meant he liked me right? If he ever comes across this blog I'm going to die of embarrassment most likely. I digress.) But I didn't answer the question. Well, maybe a little gasp of what? half laugh. Which fits with my half smile-shake head motto.

Anything that fits with that motto is acceptable.

The other day at work. Another guy said something about going home and laying around naked and was like, but you won't be doing that will you. You don't seem like the sort. Part of me was like, what? You think I'm uptight? But the I remembered the fact that he sees me at work and I believe in a reserved manner at work (or at least to a point). I half smiled, shook my head and told him he didn't know that. To which he repeated I wasn't the type and you could tell these things.

Obviously not.

It's kind of fun thinking I'm an enigma.

Enigma is kinda fun to say.

I'm sure by now you have all sorts of burning questions. Does she run around her apartment naked? Does she sleep naked? Or is she a reverse nudist and even showers fully dressed?

To your questions I have an answer.

Half smile-shake head.

now everyone can rate everything

So I recently read a book about how companies have to be extra careful about consumers these days. They have to be truthful and put forth the best product at the best price always because of how the internet is these days. Any consumer who is unhappy with a product is more likely to tell people then someone who had a good time. You expect all products to work and be useful and therefore, you are less likely to say good things about someone then if you have a bad experience. If you have a bad experience then you feel more obligated to warn others, to let other people know what is going on with this company.

In some cases I agree with this, for products that are tangible, sure. If I'm looking to buy a car, I want to be able to see what people who actually have driven a car have said. Although, I'm EXTREMELY brand loyal when I find a company/brand I like. So I'm less likely than most people to do this. I'm more likely to go to the dealer, tell them what features I want and buy a car. In fact, when I got my latest car-even though it wasn't my purchase (my parents were fronting the cost and choosing the car because of it), when the choice was between a Honda Civic and a Toyota Camry, while I like both companies, all the cars I've driven have been Hondas. I like Hondas. And I asked for the Honda. Knowing nothing about the two cars and their options. (I also had very min requirements. I wanted automatic, anti lock brakes, air conditioning, good gas milage, automatic windows, and doors that I didn't have to manually lock.) I'm the same way for other things. I'm an Apple girl through and through. I like HP printers. I'm a big believer in Cuisinart and KitchenAid. I was looking for an iron the other day and I had a choice between I brand I knew of (Black and Decker) and a brand I had never heard of. I chose to not buy an iron because the Black and Decker was out and I preferred making another trip in order to get the brand I've heard of and already trust.

All of these things are tangible products. There are easy ways to measure how they function and the value of the product. It's easy to compare the brands of the same product together because we all expect the same things out of them. We don't expect our car to vacuum. It's easy to compare a car to a car because they do the same thing. A vacuum is easily comparable to a vacuum. I expect the same thing out of my dishwasher mostly that you do.

When it comes to human services, it can get a lot harder to compare these things because things start getting a little more subjective. I'm a big fan of yelp, but I'm not always interested in the same type of food other people are. In and Out gets good reviews, but I'm a bit of a food snob and I don't consider it any great eats. But luckily most people on Yelp tend to explain their reviews well.

I'm not a member of Angie's list, but I kinda like the idea. If someone goes above and beyond the call of duty it's great to be able to hear about it. Consequently if someone ends up charging a lot of money for something that needs to be repaired right away again because the contractor made a bad repair, I'm fine with someone saying something-provided it's respectful. I don't like it when people start saying defaming things or swearing in reviews. On yelp either. Restaurants have bad days too. Service is subjective. And I don't know how obnoxious your party was to a server. I'd like to think that people who write reviews didn't do anything to get bad service (not that anyone really should get bad service, but as a member of the customer service industry and as a member of the sales industry, I know that if you are rude to me, I make no effort for you, because I deserve to be treated with respect, even if I'm serving you.). I don't know that they don't. I don't know all the details of the encounter.

I was reading about these medical gag things today. And I was quite torn. On one hand, a patient should be able to talk about their doctor and the good and bads. But at the same time, unlike most of the other things being reviewed, doctors literally cannot respond to a bad review. Anyone else can respond in some way to defend themselves and explain the situation to make themselves appear more favorable so a reader can get both sides of the story (they might not, but they COULD). Because of doctor/patient confidentiality, a doctor couldn't. And maybe it's because my mother is a doctor, but I really don't like this idea of rating doctors. Good health care is more subjective then someone realizes. And I don't think I could trust online reviews to help me chose a doctor.

I got super lucky when it came to my health care plan anyhow. I'm still covered by my parents insurance for at least another year, even though I'm no longer in school. Dental too. And if I wasn't, I know they wouldn't let me go uncovered. Plus, since my mother is a Kaiser doctor, I'm a member of Kaiser, which I think is the best thing to be a part of (brand loyalty again, although I've seen/heard about other insurance through my mother and find everything else to be way too complicated and not focused on preventative health care which doesn't make sense.) Kaiser is non-profit and their doctors aren't paid on commission or anything which I think is the smartest way to do health care, but that's neither here no there and this isn't a health care post. I got doctors who were not currently accepting patients because I had inside information. Not everyone has that.

Choosing a doctor can be hard, but I don't think online reviews are the best way to go about it. The only way to get the best health care professionals for yourself is to figure out what you need in a doctor and go and see some. You don't even need to have an appt. to figure it out. A short meeting would probably suffice. I can't say I care too much about the bedside manner of my doctor provided they do a great job. I want a capable well educated and certified doctor. Kind bedside manner isn't all that important to me. I don't want them to be too blunt and harsh, but I don't need it sugar coated. Some people want that. So if someone is complaining about bedside manner, I can't really judge for myself from that.

Mostly I'm worried how this could hurt doctors. Part of the reason I believe health care is so fucked up in this country is because doctors have to worry about malpractice so often. For many surgeons it seems the rule of thumb is not "if" you are sued, but "when." No wonder prices are extravagant. No wonder the heath care is so topsy turvy. Patients don't seem to take enough interest in their own health, and to me, don't seem all that educated about medicine. Some are, but I would say the majority of people I talk to know nothing about health, nothing about medicine. And that's not just people my own age. How many reviews would come about someone not being well informed to begin with and then when finding out the truth is retaliating?

It just seems like such a can of worms. Yes, if doctor is really bad people should know about it, but isn't there a way to do it without jeopardizing reputations. I investigated and it seems like a lot of places don't require you to register or anything. Anonymous reviews? SUCH A BAD IDEA. It could be anyone.

I like the idea of consumers keeping products and companies honest by use of the internet. But how do we deal with the grey areas if the party has no way to defend themselves. Surely there is a better solution to this?

daylight savings.

I'm so excited about getting more sunshine during the hours I'm awake. I adore my sunshine so much. Sunshine is my favorite. Spring and Summer make me so happy and I run more and I swim more and I spend more time outside. Who needs winter at all?

I feel like I haven't blogged about anything worthwhile. I need to find time to blog that isn't after I come home from work. I'm too tired to think up anything I really want to talk about and end up reiterating my day.

no kittens yet

So I called them and those kittens had to go to the vet and so I couldn't foster them. The woman said there would be more kittens the next day but there haven't been and so no kittens for me. I'm keeping an eye open on my email and hopefully I will get an email that says- kittens available for fostering and I can call them and get the kittens and have furry cuteness running about my apartment.

I also quit my job. My last day is tomorrow. It was a little surreal. All my co-workers have been disappointed and sad to hear I'm leaving, but manager girl was like, oh okay see you, then. It was a little weird. I almost half expect something written on my clock in thing, some kind of message that says I can't do it or something and I'll have to invoke the labor code and mention how we are at will employment. I know it's kind of shitty to give such short notice, but she's been kind of shitty to me (and apparently to the other girl hired at the same time as me) and when I get paid more somewhere else and have been told I can get more hours there is no sense in my sticking around and being stressed and crossing into another pay period. I don't feel bad about it at all. I have to do what's best for me don't I? If I'm not happy and I used to be happy it doesn't make sense for me to stick around and to continue being stressed and miserable for minimum wage when I don't have to be.

I'm not worried about it being a problem if I decide to hunt for a second job, although I think I'm going to take some time and audition for things. I figure that "no opportunities for promotion or advancement" is a reasonable excuse for leaving a job especially when combined with better opportunities and better pay at the other job I was working at the time. Should manager girl try to say bad things about me, the fact that it should be in direct conflict with everyone else a potential employer should be able to see that the manager had a problem with me that didn't accurately reflect my work ability and ethic. I would have no problem explaining that either, I don't think.

I have a mandatory meeting at the theatre tomorrow morning. 9am. I think it should be illegal to make me close, therefore work until almost 2:30 and then be at a meeting at 9am. There is no way for me to get a full night's sleep then! I will live. Perhaps I will take a nap. Plus it will be a good way to get me to go to the farmer's market which I want to do. So hopefully I will. I'm supposed to be giving someone a ride which should make me get up. I'm still a little worried though. I have a terrible habit of sleeping through alarms. But my sleeping schedule is honestly all backwards and topsy turvy.

I think I have decided the books I want to read for my goal of reading three books for pleasure. They aren't going to be books that I haven't read. They are books I read a long time ago. I'm going to re-read both Alilce in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass because of the movie. The movie did remind me of the books but it's been years since I read them. I'd love to go back to reading some of my childhood books. Then I'm also going to re-read The Diary of Anne Frank something I read when I was about nine. I think I'd get more out of it now.

KITTENS!

I'm going to be fostering kittens. I pick them up tomorrow. Or well, later today since it's 5am and I haven't gone to bed yet. I'm so excited. Cute cute cute.

Oh, and to top it off, I'm so quitting the florist tomorrow and my last day will be Saturday. Two weeks notice? HAHAHAHA. Forget it. It should be easier for them this way though. I'll be done before the pay period ends. But it's kinda fun working and knowing I'm totally done there. I have to go in to formally quit since the manager shoved a customer on me and booked it this afternoon when I was planning to quit. But goodbye crazy manager. Goodbye florist. Sad to be leaving my co-workers though. They seem to really like working with me and I like working with them. But I can't deallll with the crazy. Too much stress, not enough pay, not any chance for promotion.

No more stress and adorable kittens. Tomorrow should be a way awesome day.

feeling lax

I should write about something awesome and meaningful but I'm so tired that all I can seem to think of is just how tired I am and how my day went. I want my blog to be more interesting than that. Maybe tomorrow.

slackers

I hate them.

There are always slackers at work and they think they are much better workers then they are.

I know everyone slacks from time to time. There will be a day when you are like....can't deal with people, and avoid register at all costs. Or when you feel so overwhelmed and stressed that you call in sick, and take a personal day, knowing that you'll be a better worker the next day for it. I understand these things. It happens to everyone from time to time.

However, when it's a constant pattern...

YOU. ARE. A. SLACKER.

And no one likes a habitual slacker.

I had a dream last night that we had four closers at the theatre. Me and A, B and C. I'm not going to use their names to protect their identities. :) Me and A are good workers. I love closing with her. She is enjoyable to be around and she does her work. B and C are slackers and in this particular dream, they both called out sick. B has a habit of doing that and this past weekend C has missed two days out of three being "injured" although when your co-workers are in the same social circle as you and you aren't injured...we know what you are doing. We had a 1:20 am showing of Alice in my dream and me and A were there closing the stand until we opened the next morning. Now, I realize the dream is pretty unrealistic. Our scheduling manager wouldn't only schedule four of us on a day that had such a late night showing. We'd have six. Also, there isn't any reason for us to have a 1:20 showing on a Sunday. School nights we don't tend to have showings that late except for Thursdays-the midnight showings of the stuff opening Friday. And if we got cut down to two closers, the managers would probably step in and help or make 4-12's stay late and get overtime in order to get us out of there before we opened. There is no way we would be allowed to stay that late. It would be like 5 hours of overtime. They'd just send us home.

Anyway, so by the time I go on break B, who is actually working today HAS gone home, claiming she didn't feel well. But, since she always "doesn't feel well" when she has to mop, all of us think differently. It can't just be a coincidence. Our shift lead then says he's going to assign her mopping every time now, because he doesn't like it that she keeps going home sticking the job on other people. He said, either she'll suck it up or if she keeps going home to avoid it-she'll make no money and the managers will catch on. Although judging by the managers talking-they've already caught on and are unimpressed. Mopping isn't even that bad. It makes you stick around for like 15 more minutes? Which is 15 more minutes you get paid. i don't mind. I don't want to do it every time because the mop is heavy but it's not the end of the world. But I seriously can't remember the last time B mopped and we all have noticed. And are subsequently unimpressed.

C was also working and he stuck around the whole time even if he did take a super long ten minute break in the middle of closing (I hate people who do this unless they have a legit reason like they need to call their ride but most people are just being assholes.). He sucks though and was doing everything fucking horribly and I was like SERIOUSLY? He swept behind all the poppers but didn't butler it up so it was all over the floor, waiting to get swept back behind the poppers and he started drains without sweeping and tried to do them without taking the drain covers off and sweeping behind there and I was like -.-
It shouldn't be too hard for me to advance when I'm working with people like this who are idiots.

We had three 4-12's and only one of them stuck around. Our shift lead stuck around until midnight. He rocks. One of the other ones had done a couple of poppers and closed the side stands and was the last person on register so we could do stuff, but the other girl, is the new girl I don't like and she didn't do like ANYTHING after closing side stands. She wiped off a few counters but they weren't clean at all and I had to re-do them later and then she left a half hour early because she had to be there at nine am the next morning. LAME. I've closed and then opened before. It's not that difficult. You'd tired but it's doable. She wasn't even closing. She was getting off at midnight and she couldn't stick around for half an hour? She dawdled around for like an hour doing nothing useful and then left? Unimpressed man. I name you slacker. For the record the other one who left early is usually pretty decent to close with.

A had to leave early because she was never sent on her forty, but I didn't mind because she was busting her ass to help us get as much as she could help us get done before she had to leave at one in order to not get break violation. Another girl had to leave when her ride got there but she ended up sticking around. I felt like a shift leader though, because the other girl-I don't think she is a natural leader and the guy is pretty much a lemming in my book. It was kinda awesome. The funny thing is that B wants to BE a shift lead. No way in hell if she keeps leaving like that. Managers like team players. I'm pretty sure the managers are catching on to her ways. Maybe she'll get demoted to floor and get fired like the other girl who was a slacker-even if she amused me and I liked her.

I don't understand slackers though. I know we don't get paid a whole lot, but we have opportunities for raises every three months. Shouldn't that make it worthwhile to do a half decent job?

too tired to be able to think up anything

That's what happen when you work way too late. Didn't get home until after four.

What Women Want From Men?

I love these lists things. I don't know who comes up with these list things, but I throughly enjoyed responding to the florist one and I believe I'll throughly enjoy responding to .

First off, there is no universal list every guy should know about women. Because we are all different. Like each guy is different. It's impossible to create a universal list. Not to mention it's not going to be the same for every culture.

I'm probably someone who it could be typically aimed at and it still isn't universal to me.

1. Saying "I love you" immediately before, during, or following sex doesn't count.

I'll take it. I won't think you mean it, because sex is influencing you, but it's still nice to hear. When does a compliment/nice words ever get old? Unless you are creepy and stalking me.

2. Real men drive stick shift.

I could LITERALLY care less about how and what you drive. I'm not a car girl. Do I like the look of a Lamborghini? Yes, but you could drive a van and I won't care. I'm not really expecting to date a Lamborghini guy. I'm looking for personality. And I think the type of personality I'm attracted too won't be driving an Italian sports car. I'm not going to think you are any less of a man if you drive automatic. I'll probably think you are sensible. Stick is a pain. Although if you do drive it, I'm making you teach me.

3. I will leave if you lie.

It will depend on the lie. If you cheat and say you didn't and I lated find out you did you are fucked. I'm gone. If it's like, do you want to go see -insert movie- here and you don't want to go but you know I'll love it and you wouldn't mind (as in you recognize it won't kill you) going, and later I find out you didn't really want to go, I'm not going to mind. Because you are doing a nice thing for me. It depends on the lie and why.

4. You are cute in raglan-sleeved T-shirts (two-toned baseball undershirts).

I'm a sucker for baseball players so for me, yes.

5. I'm convinced I'm pregnant and obsess about it for a minimum of 24 to 48 hours before my period, even when I have no rational reason to think so.

Not if there is no rational reason to think so. I'm only convinced I'm pregnant if I've dreamed it for the last week and there is an actual chance I could be pregnant. But otherwise, I don't think I'm pregnant. Why would I want to stress myself out that way?

6. I love it when you hug me from behind and whisper in my ear.

Most of the time. If it's a complete and total surprise because I don't think you are in the same area as me I'll probably scream. I scream when I'm startled. Don't startle me, I'll take out your eardrums and that is never sexy. But the move in general is lovely.

7. "Fine" is never an appropriate response when I ask you how I look.

Yes it is. For a T-shirt and jeans, it better be. While I like hearing I'm pretty and beautiful, if you tell me that all the time I feel like it loses it's meaning. I might be beautiful in a t-shirt and jeans but fine will work, well, fine. I'm not going to coo over you ever single day, you shouldn't have to for me.

8. Most of the time when I fantasize, it's about you.

Totally true.

9. I'm terrified of becoming my mother, even though I admire her.

Mostly just certain habits of hers. I'm terrified of becoming a hoarder and having a massive amount of newspapers barricade me in my house. That's the big one. I'm not really all that concerned about becoming my mother. I don't think it will happen most of the time because there are big differences between us. But I am a bit of a packrat and she is worse and I fear being featured on AMC's Hoarders.

10. I get turned on simply seeing that I have an e-mail from you.

Not if we are fighting.

11. I expect you to call me

Yes. I do. I cannot make all the communication efforts. Surefire way to have me headed out the door. Call sometimes. I know you know how a telephone works.

12. Only rock stars are allowed to wear leather pants.

No one. Is allowed. To wear. Leather Pants. Who invented this idiotic idea? I don't want to see them on anyone. I don't want to wear them. I imagine they are hideously uncomfortable. Sticking to your thighs. I don't even like leather couches.

13. I'm scared of losing my independence.

I most certainly am. But I've lost it before so I have good reason. If I hadn't, I probably wouldn't even consider the possibility.

14. I'm more forgiving of you than I really should be.

Probably.

15. Oral sex is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free card. Manolo Blahnik shoes also do the trick.

Not for me. I have an aversion of the worst sort to oral. And I'd probably think you'd done something even worse if you bought me $500 shoes. And I LIKE shoes. Not all women are shoe women. We are not all Carrie Bradshaw from Sex in the City. Some of us (including myself) never got into SITC or like Carrie Bradshaw. Making me dinner would be a better solution. Unless you can't cook although I'll probably still enjoy the effort. Unless you fuck up my expensive kitchen equipment.

16. You did something bad. I seem cool with it. I'm not. (See directly above.)

I try to be generally easy to read. If I'm unhappy, it's pretty obvious. I'm not going to make you guess a thousand times over. I think that's so dumb when a girl/woman is like... I'm angry with my boyfriend, let's see if he can figure it out. I'm going to tell you. And I'm not going to seem cool about it unless I'm actually cool with it. I can't tolerate this sort of stupidity.

17. If I'm not having sex with you, I'm... a.) ...having a fat day. b.) ...not feeling "connected" to you. c.) ...blackmailing you to get something I want.

Yes, I don't want sex when I'm feeling fat. And I don't want sex when I'm feeling grumpy and not in the mood. I don't know what this not feeling connected shit is. Probably some sort of lame ass excuse. And while I have used sex as blackmail, I doubt I'll do it again. I don't see how this does anything other than drive a wedge into a relationship. Honestly. Let's not make a situation worse. I won't have sex if I'm angry at you and you seem adverse to listening to me. If you upset me, you won't be getting any. That would be way too much emotion running through me to handle at one time.

18. Shoes determine whether you're fashionable or not.

No.

19. I own a Debbie Gibson CD, and I'm not afraid to use it.

Who?
Although, you will be forced to listen to musicals if you date me. I'm a musical aficionado. I want to be a Broadway actress. It goes with the territory.

20. When I compare my flabby tummy to a kangaroo pouch, say nothing.

Okay, I've never done this, but it's best to say nothing if I'm whining about myself. Usually I just need to get it out and luckily for you it means I consider you trustworthy enough to hear my insecurities about my body. Just nod along and look sympathetic. I'll get over it.

21. A man I love plans the occasional fancy-schmancy dress-up date and impromptu weekend getaways, and he buys my favorite candy in advance when we're just going to the movies.

I love getting fancy and I love things that feel spontaneous. That said. You don't need to buy me candy in advance. I recommend it because it's cheaper that way, but I don't need candy every time we go to the movies, and if that happens to be a spontaneous thing, don't even worry about it. Also, you don't have to pay for everything. I work and have a job, I can pick up the tab for myself and even for both of us sometimes. It's not a matter of feminism. I don't want to feel indebted to a guy-this is true but a relationship should be an equal partnership. This includes money. It has to do with how I was brought up.

22. You look hot in hooded clothing items.

Unless you look like a bank robber, or other criminal.

23. You should never tell me what to do.

Sometimes this would be perfectly fine. Like if you are teaching me something or we are working on something together and it's done in a suggestive tone. Like if we are cleaning something and you are like, hey I'll do this and you do that, okay? I'm not going to mind this. If you are going to get super bossy and think you are the boss of me-that will never fly, but I expect that to not fly with you either. Relationships are give and take, push and pull.

24. If I slept over, you owe me breakfast.

To me this says, if you sleep over I owe you breakfast. Because I'm big on the reciprocating, you both give kind of thing. How about we make breakfast together. Although, if you do make breakfast for me, you will be getting brownie points and I will appreciate it. The number of points depend on the complexity of the food and how much I adore it. For example-cereal will only give you attempt at trying points. Because it's simple, everyone as it and I'm not a big fan. Add some raspberries into it and I'll give you more points. Make pancakes? A lot of points. Run out and get my favorite kind of bagel and smear? A lot of points, even though it's relatively simple. Because you remembered my favorite stuff. But if I think you are doing this in order to get some sort of sexual favor you receive negative points.

25. My breasts love much licking and sucking.

:)

26. If you ask me out directly, I will say yes.

Unless I think you are creepy.

27. I'm very impressed when you ask for my advice.

Probably.

28. I'm unimpressed with a man who doesn't take the lead.

If you always take the lead I will smack you upside the head. But I want you to be able to. If you can never make a decision and never take the lead I'm not going to be able to handle it. I will think less of you, whether that is fair or not.

29. When in doubt, go with the shirt that matches your eye color.

Yes? No? I don't pay that much attention to that stuff. I don't dress a lot of guys. I will tell you if you look stupid though.

30. I want to be Madonna.

I have never once thought this. Do I want to be my idols? Yes, I have wanted to be someone I idolized for a day, so the general theme of this is alright, but Madonna in particular no.

31. Women get urinary-tract infections easily, so watch (and wash) your fingers.

Some women are more prone to these than others. But I agree, that your fingers better be clean if they are going certain areas.

32. I'm in heaven when you hold my hand.

Heaven is one of those words that sounds like an absolute. I'm going to enjoy it. I'm not sure if it's going to bring out the heavenly choir.

33. You're sexy when you're shaving, fixing things, wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, driving, eating a peach, holding a baby.

If I find you sexy, you will probably be sexy doing most everything. There will be things I find more sexy. I doubt holding a baby is one of them, considering my non-desire for them.

34. I need to hear how you feel about me. Often. Tell me now.

I do need to hear it. But there is a fine balance between telling me enough and making me stop believing you because you say it so often you start to seem insincere. As long as you are sincere when you say it, you don't need to tell me all the time. Although if you notice I start to get quiet when we are together, chances are it's been too long since you last said it.

35. Surprises, especially gifts for moi = more loving.

I ADORE surprises. But it doesn't have to be a gift. Surprise me with a note. Surprise me by showing up unexpected. Cook me dinner. It doesn't have to be a gift. I like actions. You don't like hiking but you know I adore it and you surprise me by planning a hike and a picnic? I'm going to melt so bad like you won't believe. Better than getting me something material.

36. I want to be the best thing that ever happened to you--and for you to recognize this.

Yeah. But you want to be the best thing that happened to me too, right?

37. If I'm not feeling loved, I will start looking....

Not true. I become mopey and depressed and withdrawn. Only after some time of this will I start looking and I'll have tried to get the love from you first.

38. Discussion of ex-gf's and ex-bf's should be avoided at all times.

There are times when I can see a discussion being appropriate. I can see myself needing to discuss my ex, because you'll need to know why I have hang ups on some things. Otherwise it's not fair to you. If something has happened in the past I need to be aware of, that is appropriate. Otherwise, let's not talk too often about them.

39. I like it when you tell me what you're thinking, even if you don't know yourself.

I like talking in general. About what you are thinking, feeling, the moon, the stars. I want to be able to get philosophical with you as well as ask about your day and be able to have a conversation about either.

40. Celebrating our anniversary, even if it's only been a few months, earns major bonus points.

I'm not a big month anniversary celebrator. However, if you do get me something, I will feel pretty special and I will enjoy it. But by no means is it mandatory.

41. I love it when you're sweaty.

Trufax. Unless you are sweaty because we are climbing stairs and you are hideously out of shape. If you are sweaty because you have been working out, playing sports, doing manly things like building a bridge, I will find your sweat sexy.


42. It's best to consult your gal pals for gift ideas.

I'm probably not going to make this too hard. I'm pretty obvious about what I like and therefore want. If you need ideas, I suggest asking my sister, or one of my good friends. Unless your gal pals happen to know me well. But anything that shows you put thought into it I'm going to appreciate it, even if it might not be exactly what I wanted. However, if I think you had someone else do your shopping because I can't imagine you buying the item for me, I'm probably not going to put much stock by it.

43. A lady should always be greeted with kisses.

Unless it's somewhere inappropriate like our workplaces.

44. I like porn.

Well, yes and no. I can't really see myself watching porn with someone to enjoy it or get in the mood or whatever. But I do like romantic novels that are basically erotica. It will sort of depend. If I'm comfortable with it, I'm comfortable with it. If I decide I'm not, then I'm not. I don't really see it as a couple's activity at the moment though. That doesn't mean I hate it and will shun you if you watch. After all I'm not there 24/7. As long as porn doesn't become a replacement for me. And you aren't a freaky addict.

45. I love holding your bum in the palms of my hands.

If you have a nice one.

46. Even nice girls like hushed dirty talk in public.

:)

47. It's cheating as soon as you're doing something with her that you wouldn't want me to see, hear, read...

Exactly. It doesn't have to be sex for it to be cheating.

48. For the record: I'd rather you break up with me than cheat.

YES. I think it's a cowardly asshole move to stay in a relationship and cheat. If you don't want to be with me, then move on. You can't have your cake and eat it too. I'm a one man sort of girl and I want a one woman man. If we have agreed to be exclusive, we better be exclusive.

49. I remember everything about our relationship.

No I doubt. No one has that good a memory, unless they have a photographic memory and I don't. Hardly anyone deos. It's rare.

50. You should know all this and more without my telling you.

Let me roll my eyes. You aren't a mind reader. I'm not a mind reader and it takes time and experience to figure stuff like this out. There is no universal list. There is no universal anything. You need hints and blatant talk and so do I. I'm not stupid and I'm not going to expect you to know everything there is to know about women or me. And you better not assume I know everything there is to know about men or you. It takes time. Talking. Learning. Isn't that part of the fun of a relationship?