I feel like I need a way to keep my blogging self motivated. I'm not a good diarist, never have been, not thinking I will start being one now, but I intensely like the idea of keeping a blog and so far, I kinda have been sucking at it. No posts between May and October can lead oneself to believe that one may be sucking as a blogger. Plus I keep reading other people's blogs and thinking how interesting they are and how sad and lonely my own blog must be.
So I have a solution. Hopefully.
Themes for the month!
I love themes. Themes are great. I'm always bringing up themes for my life, most of which fall by the wayside shortly because I am a bit of a lazy procrastinating girl with a bit of attention deficit. I'm not ADHD, I have a good attention span, excepting things I set down for myself because sooner or later I get bored with all my ideas. Or something.
But this theme would automatically change ever 30/31 (or in the case of the red headed stepchild February 28, or 29 when it's a leap year), so that should cure my boredom of myself. Right? Of course right. It's not going to make me stop talking about the other boring things in my life, but it might inspire me to blog more which is the whole purpose.
And my themes are brilliant, at least until I get to March, but hell, if I make it that long, I should be able to come up with a March theme.
October: Halloween. I'm going to do 31 days of horror movies. I'm already behind, and I'm not going to be so bold to say I'm going to actually watch ONE a day, I'll probably have a few marathons because that's how I do, but 31 horror movies for 31 days of Halloween. I have some other fun Halloween ideas too, I LOVE Halloween. Halloween recipes, pumpkin everything, carving pumpkins, etc etc etc. I LOVE IT ALREADY. Hopefully I love it as much in the next few weeks.
November: Thanksgiving (there's even a theme to my theme!). 30 days of thankful stuff. I have less ideas for this, but it will come. And if all else fails, I'm just going to cook for a month. I'd watch some Thanksgiving movies, but do any of those exist?
December: 31 days of Christmas (and Chanukah)! There is so much Christmas stuff to do I could probably do a years worth, but here is a month. Movies for sure...Nutcracker YES! And everything else. Yummy christmas goodies.
January: 31 days of NEW THINGS. Because it's the start of a NEW year and what not. What 31 things I can do that are new, I haven't figured out yet, but that's months away, pish. It will be easy-peasy.
February: 28 days of redheaded stepchildren! Ha, no. I wish. I'm not a big fan of February, and not because it has Valentines Day which I will theme the month around. I love Valentines day, even when I'm more single than a dollar bill, I just don't like how it's all weird and has to stand out with it's 28/29 days. Can't it be normal. Why couldn't we take a day from January and give it to February so it would have more days? Why couldn't March? Or July? It's stupid. It makes no sense.
March: Yeah, I don't have ideas for this or for April, May, June, August, or September, and when I get back to October I can start all over again, because HOLIDAYS ROCK. Although I might start picking out weird random holidays. Like create your own holiday day. Although that would encompass everything and I'd get bored again. But like...whatever is National Book Month. I could talk about books. I don't think I could read a book a DAY, but that doesn't mean I couldn't read like 5 or 6 and then talk about a bunch of old favorites. THE POSSIBILITIES!
I'm kinda of excited now. Because today, I'm supposed to see two horror movies. And then I might watch the first version of one of them on Netflix afterwards. That would catch me up halfway to where I am supposed to be. I'm so on top of this. And I can't wait to blog about pumpkin carving. OH, that reminds me I have to make my Malificent and Dragon stencils for my pumpkins. And I should request Halloween off I guess, or the night off so I can feed the trick or treaters and let my pumpkins be useful and not just for my amusement. Although that is good as well.
And one of these days I want to make this blog all pretty and customized. High-ho, high-ho, it's playing with GIMP I go. After I finish my other ninety million projects. Is sleep optional yet?
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
where am I going?
I’ve been thinking about what I want to do with my life.
It’s hard to say really.
Are the dreams I’ve had since I was ten years old, the dream I still want to make my life out ot be. I think so. Maybe. I do want to perform. I want to do theatre and I would be happy doing movies or TV. The problem, with most anything I do nowadays, is the motivation. Everyone else seems so much more motivated than me, to put themselves out there, to get agents, to move to New York or LA, to even go to auditions.
I want to perform, but I don’t have the energy to go get it right now. Which may be a medical problem all of itself. For lack of a better term, I’ve been highly bipolar lately. I’ll have these fabulous highs, it feels like I could accomplish anything and everything, I’m on top of the world, but then a few hours later nothing is going right. I’m stressed, I don’t have enough money, my life is a wreck. All I want to do is crawl into my bed and cry.
In those highs, I get stuff done, and in the middle ground between the highs and the lows. I got all my clothes sorted the other day. I cleaned the living room. The last night I worked, the popcorn seeds that get lodged in the floor by the drains bothered me and I dug them out with the screwdriver. The floor is now cleaner than I’ve seen it in a while. But I can’t seem to line those highs up with times for doing anything towards making my goals of being an actress. I just want to be one already. Can’t we skip the hard part?
In the meanwhile, I keep thinking about the fact that I need to make money, and even if I get my behind in gear and start going to auditions I still need to be able to live. Where I work is fine, it’s not like I dislike the job, but I don’t love it either. I’d like to be doing something more interesting, more challenging.
Money was part of the reason I started a blog to begin with, funnily enough. That, and I’ve always had this goal of documenting my life. I’m terrible at keeping a diary though, whether written on paper or typed on the internet, or just typed on my computer.
But you hear about these blogs that people actually make money off of, or they get noticed writing or something somehow through their blog. I’d love that. Kind of. But then I’d have to go through the work of coming up with interesting things to write. And sometimes all I’ve got is…I went to work today and it was okay. Doesn’t exactly make for great blogging material. And I can’t seem to think of an idea that is novel enough to start a blog around.
Well, maybe I have one, but the motivational thing….still a problem.
Thinking about making money now, besides the blog that I can’t get started aspect, I’d love to write. In the past couple of years, my writing juices have just been so open and adament about being heard. Another reason why starting a blog was tempting to me. I like writing. But I don’t know how to get paid for writing.
I also like to travel, but I don’t know how to get paid to travel.
There are numerous things I like to do that I wish I could get paid for. Traveling. Sleeping. Eating. Basically, it would be nice if someone just paid for my life. If money just fell in my lap so I could support myself and I could do things I liked without worrying about the money. I’d still want to work. I don’t think I could sit at home all day or even travel, eat, and sleep all day without needing a job, even a small part time one. I like the idea of usefulness, and having a job makes me feel useful. Maybe I’d feel different if I was getting paid to write, but I don’t know.
Someone suggested I could be a travel writer, or a food critic, or something along the lines of combining writing with something I like to do. I could, but I don’t really want to. I think I object to the idea of me “being” any of those things, making a career out of it. I don’t really like the word career, and I already identify myself as an actress. I’m an actress, who likes to travel, write and eat. And sleep, but I don’t think ANYONE gets paid long term for sleeping. If you know someone who makes a living off of sleep studies…then go ahead and prove me wrong, but I will think you are lying out your ass.
Maybe that’s my problem. I identify too much with this long term dream of mine that I’m doing nothing about that I can’t wrap my head around doing something different. I’m not sure, but I’m up again at almost 7am, meaning, I haven’t slept yet, trying to figure out what I want out of life. As if I should know at twenty four. It’s not like I’m old, I have plenty of time still to dabble and try things. And then I start worrying if I’ll ever settle down and do something. Which I’m pretty sure is a stigma of society, not something I came up with on my own.
Because, it wouldn’t really be bad if I was an actress, (once I get my act together), who dabbles in traveling, writing, eating and sleeping. And whatever else I may decide to try. Do I really have to label myself as one thing? Can I just be an adventurer? I like that idea.
It’s hard to say really.
Are the dreams I’ve had since I was ten years old, the dream I still want to make my life out ot be. I think so. Maybe. I do want to perform. I want to do theatre and I would be happy doing movies or TV. The problem, with most anything I do nowadays, is the motivation. Everyone else seems so much more motivated than me, to put themselves out there, to get agents, to move to New York or LA, to even go to auditions.
I want to perform, but I don’t have the energy to go get it right now. Which may be a medical problem all of itself. For lack of a better term, I’ve been highly bipolar lately. I’ll have these fabulous highs, it feels like I could accomplish anything and everything, I’m on top of the world, but then a few hours later nothing is going right. I’m stressed, I don’t have enough money, my life is a wreck. All I want to do is crawl into my bed and cry.
In those highs, I get stuff done, and in the middle ground between the highs and the lows. I got all my clothes sorted the other day. I cleaned the living room. The last night I worked, the popcorn seeds that get lodged in the floor by the drains bothered me and I dug them out with the screwdriver. The floor is now cleaner than I’ve seen it in a while. But I can’t seem to line those highs up with times for doing anything towards making my goals of being an actress. I just want to be one already. Can’t we skip the hard part?
In the meanwhile, I keep thinking about the fact that I need to make money, and even if I get my behind in gear and start going to auditions I still need to be able to live. Where I work is fine, it’s not like I dislike the job, but I don’t love it either. I’d like to be doing something more interesting, more challenging.
Money was part of the reason I started a blog to begin with, funnily enough. That, and I’ve always had this goal of documenting my life. I’m terrible at keeping a diary though, whether written on paper or typed on the internet, or just typed on my computer.
But you hear about these blogs that people actually make money off of, or they get noticed writing or something somehow through their blog. I’d love that. Kind of. But then I’d have to go through the work of coming up with interesting things to write. And sometimes all I’ve got is…I went to work today and it was okay. Doesn’t exactly make for great blogging material. And I can’t seem to think of an idea that is novel enough to start a blog around.
Well, maybe I have one, but the motivational thing….still a problem.
Thinking about making money now, besides the blog that I can’t get started aspect, I’d love to write. In the past couple of years, my writing juices have just been so open and adament about being heard. Another reason why starting a blog was tempting to me. I like writing. But I don’t know how to get paid for writing.
I also like to travel, but I don’t know how to get paid to travel.
There are numerous things I like to do that I wish I could get paid for. Traveling. Sleeping. Eating. Basically, it would be nice if someone just paid for my life. If money just fell in my lap so I could support myself and I could do things I liked without worrying about the money. I’d still want to work. I don’t think I could sit at home all day or even travel, eat, and sleep all day without needing a job, even a small part time one. I like the idea of usefulness, and having a job makes me feel useful. Maybe I’d feel different if I was getting paid to write, but I don’t know.
Someone suggested I could be a travel writer, or a food critic, or something along the lines of combining writing with something I like to do. I could, but I don’t really want to. I think I object to the idea of me “being” any of those things, making a career out of it. I don’t really like the word career, and I already identify myself as an actress. I’m an actress, who likes to travel, write and eat. And sleep, but I don’t think ANYONE gets paid long term for sleeping. If you know someone who makes a living off of sleep studies…then go ahead and prove me wrong, but I will think you are lying out your ass.
Maybe that’s my problem. I identify too much with this long term dream of mine that I’m doing nothing about that I can’t wrap my head around doing something different. I’m not sure, but I’m up again at almost 7am, meaning, I haven’t slept yet, trying to figure out what I want out of life. As if I should know at twenty four. It’s not like I’m old, I have plenty of time still to dabble and try things. And then I start worrying if I’ll ever settle down and do something. Which I’m pretty sure is a stigma of society, not something I came up with on my own.
Because, it wouldn’t really be bad if I was an actress, (once I get my act together), who dabbles in traveling, writing, eating and sleeping. And whatever else I may decide to try. Do I really have to label myself as one thing? Can I just be an adventurer? I like that idea.
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